Dust Ho!

Whenever I requirement a great shot of righteous indignation, I like to browse with Google books on keywords like ‘ridiculous dress’ or ‘ludicrous gown’, since I’m never disappointed. I can always discover some guy who has decided that the only thing wrong with the world is women’s dress, as well as that of program he, being far above the vagaries of fashion (and who is, of course, using that totally rational product of dress, the necktie) is ideally fit to pass criticism upon it.

This example is wonderful — it’s not that the streets of London are filthy, or that guy should perhaps not throw their cigar butts in the gutter — no, women’s gowns are as well long. (Why can’t both things be true, I wonder?)

SOCIAL CATECHISM.Q. WHAT is the dirtiest creature you know?A. The English fine lady. Q. What are your reasons for stating this ?A. Her habits.Q. explain yourself more fully.A. When she walks she drags behind her a receptacle for dust as well as dirt of every kind.Q. What is this called? A. A long dress, or train.Q. What is its action?A. It sweeps the ground, collects mud, dust, cigar-stumps, straws, leaves, as well as every other impurity.Q. What occurs next?A. This accumulation scrubs off to a specific degree upon other parts of her dress, or upon the legs of any type of person who may walk next to her, as well as when she gets into her carriage, the objectionable matter spoils the lining ; besides that, the dust is most offensive.Q. Why does she wear such a ridiculous dress?A. For one of two reasons. Either since she aims at a servile imitation of specific fantastic folks, or since she owes money to her milliner, as well as dares not order any type of type of gown except that which this tyrant sends house to her.Q. Why does she not raise, or loop up her gown to keep it from the ground?A. Because, being a lazy person, she has thick ancles [sic], or being a scraggy person, she has skinny ones, which her vanity forbids her to exhibit.Q. Is there any type of other reason?A. Yes; she has most likely ugly feet, disfigured by corns or bunions triggered by using tight boots.Q. Is there any type of remedy for such habits?There is none, up until her hubby has been almost ruined by her extravagance, when she is compelled by cost-effective reasons to gown like a rational being, as well as at when becomes clean as well as charming as the British female was meant to be. Q. What feeling is triggered to guy by the sight of these gowns ? A. Contemptuous pity for the woman, as well as pity, without contempt, for her regrettable husband. Q. Does she understand this ? A. Yes, however as she gowns less to please guy than to vex women, the understanding has no impact upon her filthy habits. Q. Where can the animal be seen? A. At the Zoological gardens on Sunday afternoons, in the Park as well as Kensington Gardens, as well as in most locations where fine clothes can be effectively exhibited. Q. What lesson should you deduce from this ? A. That of thankfulness to Providence that, (if married at all) you are married to a practical lady as well as not to a fine lady. Q. What will you take to drink ? A. Anything you like to put a name to.

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Secret Lives of gowns Vol. 8September 13, 2006
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